Thursday, May 15, 2008

4 Months Ago Today...

my Little came into the world. Hard to believe its been that long already, though in a way I'd like to put as much time between me and that day as possible. Not that it was a bad day, after all I met my little girl for the first time...something I had surely been looking forward to for many months...but it was a tough day, easily the toughest day of my life at that point...

We went into the scheduled c-section with fear. Fear over the surgery I would soon have. Fear over bringing our precious daughter into this world, not knowing how her heart would function once she was on her own. Would she need to have a pacemaker? When would we be able to take her home? How were we going to be able to spend enough time with her while she was staying in the NICU? And then there was the fear about how Big would handle being separated from us for 4 days. Would she feel abandoned? Would she cry for me? How she would adjust to being a big sister? So many fears...and then she was here.

She was so beautiful right out of the gate (or uterus, if you will). She had a full head of soft brown spikey hair, a teeny tiny little nose, long, skinny feet, and a pair of lungs that would put Tarzan to shame. She was amazing. I was only able to briefly gaze upon her face before she was taken to the NICU and I was taken to recovery, which seemed so unnatural and unfair to me, but I knew it was what had to happen. When I finally got to hold her for the first time that afternoon at her bedside, the world was right again. My baby was here.

The rest of the day is a blur. Monitors and cords, visitors and drugs, IV's and a fever, nurses and doctors and surgeons, bandages and consults, an anxiety filled midnight trip down to the NICU hold my baby...things that we were told to expect, but not things that we could truly prepare ourselves for.

As I look back now though, four months later, what sticks out most in my mind among all of the chaos of that day is my beautiful baby. Her soft, warm body and her newborn cry...and most of all, the amazing strength and spirit that she's shown us from the very moment she was born. How far you've come Little One. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

1 comment:

Sue said...

You've got me crying. Thank God for little miracles!!

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