Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Finding Happiness

For countless years previous to 2010, my New Year's resolution had monotonously remained the same: This year, I will find happiness. And yet for every one of those countless years (and we're talking closer to 10 than 5), I was just as unhappy on December 31st as I had been on the preceding January 1st. Every single year, I failed. Miserably. I tried on profession after profession (massage therapist, financial assistant, personal trainer, day care teacher, etc), one identity after the next (responsible student, careless party girl, strong independent woman, etc.), bending myself into origami-like postures just waiting for one that felt "right". Until all of a sudden on December 31st of 2009 I had an out of the blue epiphany that my seemingly never-ending quest for the unattainable had ended, all while I was busy not worrying about finding myself at all. Funny how that happens.

It's hard to say what exactly brought about the change for me, as the preceding few years had all been full of life changes and revolution...but if I had to guess, I would say that the powerful combination of divorce and self-confidence, Big and sweet motherhood, Hubby and finally knowing true unconditional love, and Little and gaining true appreciation for life and family all culminated to become my personal prescription for dissatisfaction, and brought to me that final piece of myself that I had been missing for what felt like my entire life. On December 31st of 2009, I finally found my place in this world, amongst these 3 silly, sassy, amazing people that I have the privilege of calling my family each and every day. My place in this world is with them, just as I am, and now that I'm here...life has never been so good.

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