21 More...Motherhood Lessons Part 2

*Sleep is most definitely not overrated. It is necessary, delicious, and never to be taken for granted.

*Wonder bras are ingenious. They are also worth every. single. penny. those swindling bastards at Victoria's Secret charge us.

*Epidurals are directly from God.

*Food tastes better if it flies into your mouth like an airplane.

*Sweat pants and no make-up days increase in correlation with the number of children you have.

*Baby smiles are contagious.

*It is time to end the bath, hastily, when the baby starts tooting in the water.

*Maternity clothes can be worn long after the baby has been born. They are a long term wardrobe investment, spend accordingly.

*Poo goes through some sort of sensory metamorphosis (and not the kind that leaves it a beautiful butterfly in the end) when it's in a potty chair as opposed to being in a diaper.

*Diapers should never be opened if the baby is still grunting.

*Cups and bubbles are the best bath toys ever.

*Some dance parties start at 7AM.

*Baby breath is never stinky, in fact having it blown in your face is actually one of the sweetest, warmest sensations on the planet.

*If an electronic toy doesn't have a volume control button and/or an off switch, do not buy it.

*It does not matter what you wear to a party, as long as your children are dressed adorably.

*Nothing says I love you like cleaning diarrhea out of a potty chair.

*There is nothing more satisfying in life than having your baby smile and coo when you enter the room...except maybe having your toddler say "This is fun, Mom" when you're simply sitting together on the couch.

*Popcorn is a grain and carrot cake is a vegetable.

*Repeatedly pumping breast milk does actually result in a strange urge to moo.

*When it comes to choosing between being a mother and having an "a baby never stomped all over this body" body, there is absolutely no choice to be made. (motherhood wins, by the way...in case that wasn't clear)

*Parenthood is the hardest job on the planet, but also the best part of life...

21 things that motherhood has taught me...

*Kisses and glittery shoes make any boo boo all better...for girls anyway.

*Disciplining your child in order to teach them a lesson is harrrrrrrd, but worth every excruciating minute when your child finally learns the lesson and becomes a better, happier person in the end.

*Hand sanitizer must be carried at all times, even when you think you'll only be gone for a few minutes and don't plan to leave the car. If there is something gross to be found, children will not only find it, they will rub it all over themselves.

*Time flies.

*Watching your child accomplish a goal is so much more rewarding than accomplishing something yourself...like, say...folding a load of laundry.

*Because I said so is a totally legitimate reason to be told to do something.

*Love for your spouse grows exponentially while watching them care for your children.

*Keeping a sense of humor makes sleep deprivation and...well...just about anything bearable.

*Every parent deserves and needs time alone. Said time should be guiltless, as it actually benefits the whole family.

*When your parents told you "This hurts me more than it hurts you," they were telling the truth, even though it seemed as though they had to be full of crap.

*Clothes hangers, princess magic wands, and bead necklaces are easily converted to weapons.

*Having a sick child in the hospital is one of the most difficult things a parent will ever experience.

*Sometimes alcohol consumption is necessary after children have been put to bed.

*Dirty dishes will wait until nap or bed time. Snuggles and kisses and silly comments from your children won't.

*Food half eaten by your child does not contain calories.

*It is possible to love more than one child with your whole heart.

*The following body liquids do not contain germs if they come out of your child: drool, snot, spit up, pee, eye goo, sweat, and tears.

*Poo and puke will never fall into the germ-free category, no matter whose kids they come out of.

*Naps are necessary, even for grown-ups sometimes.

*Half eaten granola bars on the ground may suddenly appear appetizing to a toddler.

*Snuggling under the covers with your children is by far the best Saturday morning activity on the planet. Previous childless trips to breakfast or for coffee were wayyy overrated.

What would I do...

...without all of my great friends? Really, I don't think I'd make it...at least not with any sanity in the end.

I walked into work this morning and found an envelope on my desk...and a card with the above picture on it was inside. The inside of the card said "Take comfort in knowing somebody's having a worse day than you." Hee! A totally welcome laugh erupted from within. Sweet.

Just one of my friends letting me know that she's here...and that I can be a complete asshole around her while I'm crabby and down in the dumps, and she won't care.

How is it that I am surrounded by so many amazing people? I love my friends.

Or not...

Why do I bother?

Well, we went today for Little's echo and we didn't get good news. Her heart appears to have gotten a bit larger...showing a worsening in the function...and they're talking surgery now.

The good news is that the surgery they will do is to put another wire onto her heart from her pacemaker (to the right side of her heart, whereas just the left side is paced right now...it's called bi-ventricular pacing) and they think that it will really help increase the function of her heart...possibly even make it all better...but let's not get our hopes up now. (We've all seen what happens when we do that ::insert eye roll here::) But we do have hope, because...you know...we have to.

I'm not sure when exactly the surgery will be, as the cardiologist has a few surgeons that she wants to talk to before scheduling it (because Little is the youngest patient she's ever seen be a candidate for this kind of pacing) but she said definitely in the next 6 months. We told her that if they make the decision to go ahead, we want the surgery ASAP, like in July. She thinks that the sooner we have it, the more likely it is that the damage to her heart will be reversible and/or give her a lesser chance for needing a transplant down the line. (Umm, can we have it tomorrow in that case?!) We should get a for sure yea or nay next week.

I think someone up there needs a hearing aid.

Dear God, it's me again...

Tomorrow is a big day for us. We're taking Little to Children's Hospital to see her cardiologist for the first time in 2 months. It's the first time we've gone longer than a month without a check-up, and while I thought that I would have panicked and called our cardiology nurse 50 times by now, I really haven't. Little has been growing and developing and doing so well with her OT and PT exercises...we've had little reason to contact them with concerns...so, thank you for that. In fact, she's been doing so well that I've gone and done something I really shouldn't have. I've allowed myself to have just the tiniest bit of hope that her heart is getting better. And, really, I know better than that.

The last time we had her in to see her cardiologist, I was giddy. Little seemed to be growing and doing so well, that I just knew that her heart had to be functioning better...I couldn't wait for her doctor to tell me how much better she was, except...the information downloaded from her pacemaker showed that she actually wasn't doing any better after all. And while she wasn't doing worse, either, I left the appointment devastated. Silly, really...because stable is good...but in all honesty, it just isn't good enough. And, really God, I don't mean to be greedy...she's doing so well, and growing so well, and she's such a happy and beautiful baby...we are truly blessed...and I am sooo thankful for that...but every once in a while, when I allow my mind to go there, I wonder what life might be like for her if her heart doesn't ever start to function better. Her dysfunction is mild, and the pacemaker has corrected her arrhythmia, which really should help her live a good life...but I worry about things like; will she be able to run and play with the other kids at recess? Will she be able to participate in gym class, or will she be the only child in her class who has to sit out? Will she need to take medications her whole life? Will she be able to carry and give birth to babies? Will we have to watch her this closely for the rest of her life, as terrified as we are now that her heart function might be declining? Because I am absolutely fall to my knees grateful that she is stable and that she's doing so well right now but, God, I am terrified at the thought of being this afraid for her for the rest of my life. I really could use your help with this one.

So tomorrow morning, we'll head to Children's for the sedative and the echo...then the reading of the echo with our Doctor. I have sweaty palms already just thinking about the test results. Please, God, make my Little girl better...and give her Mommy the strength to get through this with some sanity and a shred of stability...because Big needs a strong Mommy too, and sometimes I feel like I really could fall apart.

An Ode to My Chai Latte

Oh, chai latte
How I love every last sip of you
Even on the days that Big refuses to sit on her pottay
You help me feel a little less blue

I like you with soy
No water please
Because having you skim and watered down
Feels merely like a chai latte tease

I've had to give you up a time or two
And I was an unhappy girl
Partially due to the caffeine within you
But also because when I was newly pregnant, you made me want to hurl

And though you're pricey
And I can't have you every day
That occasional taste of sweet and spicy
Is sometimes more satisfying than a roll in the hay

And so, chai latte
I beg you to stay yummy as you I reheat
Because I only like to drink you hottay
And spoiling before I get to finish you, really isn't neat.

::sip:: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...

By 30...

In honor of my quickly approaching 30th birthday...19 days and counting...ack!...I'm pulling out an old favorite of mine, written by Pamela Redmond Satran...hope you enjoy.
___________________________________________________________________

By 30, every woman should have:

*One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

*A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

*Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

*A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

*A youth you’re content to move beyond.

*A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

*The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.

*An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

*A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

*One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

*A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

*Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

*The belief that you deserve it.

*A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

*A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
___________________________________________________________________


By 30, every woman should know:

*How to fall in love without losing yourself.

*How you feel about having kids.

*How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

*When to try harder and when to walk away.

*How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

*The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

*How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

*How to take control of your own birthday.

*That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

*That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

*What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

*That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

*Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

*Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

*Why they say life begins at 30.

The In-Laws are coming! The In-Laws are coming!

Have I mentioned before that I adore my in-laws? I do. And I'm not just saying that because I feel the need to chap anyone's hiney with smooches or anything...they are oblivious to the existence of this blog. They really are great! They've never been anything but sweet and kind to me...even the first time I met them...when I was 2-1/2 months pregnant with their first grandchild. ::wheeeeeeze:: And you'd think that after going through a situation like that and coming out feeling welcome and all warm and fuzzy and stuff, that I would be over this "nervous in-law" thing...but I'm just not. Each time they come to visit (*ahem* tonight), it throws a fury of panic through me. I want to run and, with my 5 extra hands, clean the bathroom, and wash the dishes (even the clean ones in the cabinets), refold and put the laundry away, etc. I want to make the best illusion, I mean impression that I'm a good homemaker, and a proper wife and mother to this family. Must. make. believe. that. our home. is. in. order. It's only for 3 days...I can keep it up that long, right? ::panting:: Right?!?! ::sob::

I'll let you in on a little secret...our house is not in order. It is instead, overloaded with stuff. I bought my teeny tiny, two bedroom house when it was just Big and I looking for a place to call home. For us it was perfect. Small, but cute and cozy...nicely sized for two people. But then, just when I thought that Big and I would be alone for a while, lo and behold, along came Hubby with his sweet face and charming ways, and...umm...his household full of stuff. And so we made room...in our hearts and our home (and garage and attic) and we did OK with the space issue after all. But then, because of that sweet face, and charming personality...heh...along came Little (an even bigger surprise!). ::gasp!:: And making room for her in our hearts was truly without effort...but making room for another person in this house was a feat! We packed some things away and donated lots of others to charities...leaving small spaces in each room to put Little's cute little baby things. (And who can complain about adding cute little baby things? Am I right?) All in all, we're making it work...but now, our house is bursting at the seams and we are done. No additional people will be allowed to enter this family until we buy a bigger house. ::knocking on wood:: As long as God, and...ummm...my birth control cooperate.

So, back to the in-laws *ahem*. They'll be arriving late tonight, and will be here until Sunday afternoon. They haven't seen the girls (or us, but let's be honest, its not like they're coming to see us anyway) since early May, so I'm certain that a majority of their time will be spent wooing one child or another...which really just makes me love them more. And I'm sure that, even though I'm feeling a rush of panic right now, as they're heading out on Sunday it will feel as if their visit has been far too short. But in the meantime, I need to seize this quiet moment of opportunity and get started shoving things into closets and sweeping dirt piles under rugs organizing and whatnot. Please pray that I don't end up suffocated under a pile of laundry somewhere...I would appreciate it.

The girls' new tricks...

Why do kids have to grow up so fast? I mean, there have been certain stages that I wish would have passed a little quicker...like...ohhhh...the terrible two's that actually started at 1-1/2 in our house, maybe? But now that the horror that was that stage finally seems to be clearing out of our house ::knock on wood::, well - for a year anyway...it seems that I've simply blinked and both of my babies have grown up! They both have added a few new tricks to their repertoire. They are as follows...


Big has one new trick this week. It's called peeing on the potty...and the floor from time to time...but ya know, she tries. Yep, it's official...she's in training. (And absolutely no thanks to my evil plan by the way. Just had to get that out there.) She has gone on the potty twice a day for the last two days now and has gone in her diaper fewer times than she went on the potty! (yes, I know that means she's only peeing 3-4 times a day...we try several more times a day than that...the girl is a camel) So, what did Mommy do? Well, besides singing every "proud" or "congratulations" potty song I could think of (or make up quickly) I went out and bought her a pack of Disney Princess Pull-ups. I know reviews on these things are really hot and cold, but Big looooooves the Princesses...so we thought we'd give them a try. Fortunately, Cinderella has only been peed on twice now...so we're clearly making some progress. I've now coined the phrase "You don't want to pee pee on your Princess, do you?" I mean, clearly princesses are too fancy to get peed on, right? This results in a contemplative look from Big, and then usually a hurried trip to her little potty to "try" to go. She really does love them...the Pull-ups that is. Last night I was putting her jammies on, and in the process, I grabbed a diaper to put on her, thinking that if she did wet her diaper overnight, we might need more absorbency than a simple Pull-up can offer. I can only say...what was I thinking? A mere peek at the diaper resulted in the loudest, girliest screech I've experienced to date, along with some full body "get that crap away from me" wiggles. I was then informed that she does NOT wear diapers anymore...she wears "big girl unddapants". Copy that Houston...no more diapers. This is a good sign right? Or is it just a sign that my diaper expense just doubled in size? (stupid Pull-ups and their fancy price tag...stupid Princesses...) We shall see...

Little has a few new tricks too. The first one is called waking Mommy and Daddy up twice in the middle of the night to eat. Well, OK, this isn't a new trick, but she hasn't done it for a month or so now, so it feels new all over again. Ughhhhh...which leads us to her second new trick: spitting out and not eating rice cereal. Yep, after the third night in a row of waking twice, Hubby and I decided that it was time to load her up with some cereal before bed in an effort to get her to sleep longer...that's the myth you know? "Feed the baby cereal before bed and they'll sleep longer." You've heard it, right? Well, it doesn't work here...mostly because our child has a finicky palate...this we already knew...and refuses to open her mouth for the cereal. I swear, her tiny lips are like Fort freakin' Knox! Last night I, reluctantly, found myself sneaking spoonfuls of the, apparently vile, stuff into her mouth each time she parted her lips to complain about it. (bad mommy moment...what can I say?) Yeah, I don't think she cared for me much at the time, heh. Next step...adding it to her bottle? You know, I hate to mess with her bottles, after the fiasco we went through to simply get the girl to drink them...but something has got to stop this getting up twice a night. She's 5 months old for goodness sakes...that's a long time to go without more than 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep!! (Keep in mind that I can't even caffeinate myself in the morning to get through.) So that one is kind of a work in progress.

Little's third, and final, new trick is a bit more on the TMI side... It involves holding her poop for three days...as opposed to her previous habit of going each time she was fed...and then filling her diaper the likes of a new Guinness world record. It's the formula...it's gotta be the formula. Right? Anyway, this trick usually sends one (or both) of us (Hubby and I that is), running around the house like headless poultry in an often fruitless attempt to minimize the explosive damage. It also often results in the following...an impromptu bath, draining of the wipie box next to her bed, depletion of the stack of diapers on my dresser next to her bed, changing of her bedsheets, sanitizing of her hands and feet (she moves so quickly, its hard to keep them out of "it", you know?!?!)...and so on. And the stink! Good God! You think the stinky butt lullaby was true before?! Ugh. I find myself speechless sometimes, trying to explain how one itty bitty person can make so much mess and stink...but that's our girl. Hubby is secretly very proud...umm...when he doesn't have to change the diaper. Even he has limits, people.

And in all seriousness...Little has been making great progress with her Physical and Occupational Therapy lately. She allllmost rolls over all by herself now, and is practically sitting alone. Note: I said practically. She still does end up in a doubled over heap most of the time, or flopping over to the side like a "timbering" tree...but she's working on it. She's also so great at reaching for objects and grasping them and getting them to her mouth. Oooh! And holding her head up when she's laying on her tummy, that's a big one for us!! And dammit, she's still the happiest baby I've ever seen. Such strides they're making...we're so proud. ::sigh:: Kinda makes the rest of this motherhood gig worth it, you know? It just all goes so fast...

Owie!

Well, as it turned out, my Monday would only get worse from where I left off. The rest of the daylight hours weren't so bad, the usual 2 kid to one parent chaos...except for when the occupational therapist showed up at my door for a previously scheduled appointment and I answered the door in my pajamas...at 11:30. That was fun, and not embarrassing at all...heh...I need to start checking my calendar every morning dammit! Anyway, it was much later, after the sun had set, that I found myself in a new kind of hell. Bacterial boob-itis (AKA Mastitis) hit me...BAM!...just like a Mack truck...sometime between sunset and Tuesday morning sunrise. I went to bed whining about how sore I was (and not just my boob either...parts of my back and shoulders, and...well...my whole body were achey and just downright excruciating) and I woke up Tuesday morning in a very messy, twisted, horrified heap on my bed. Miseryyyyyyyyyyy. So I stayed home from work and Grandma watched the kids, and I heat packed, and I slept and I pumped my guts out and still...nothin'. No relief. Argh! So, 24 hours and two pitiful calls to my OB's office later, I'm finally on antibiotics and...ummm...wishing that I could say that I was feeling better. heh. Because I'm still not...but I'm confident that relief is on the way...and that if the yeast infection and other fun side effects of this anti-biotic don't kill me in the next 14 days, I should be a new woman, with a far less painful boob, right quick. ::glaring at the right boob only:: Bastard.

It's SO Monday

I'm tired today...really, really tired. I've been staying up wayyyyy too late at night pumping and making bottles so that I don't have to pump in the middle of the night (and so my boobs don't explode sometime before the morning light from my not pumping in the middle of the night. You know, it's win-win.) I've been getting to bed at about 11:30 each night, and waking with Big at a little before 7, and this simply isn't enough sleep for me. Add one, sometimes two night time feedings with Little and one additional trip to the potty (my bladder doesn't know I'm not still pregnant, I wish that someone would tell it!) and you have one unfulfilling night of sleep. This brings us to this morning...where I was laying on my pillow, desperately grasping for one more moments rest, when Big walked into my room. (insert eye bulge here) How she managed to wake up, get out of bed, open her door and come into my room, all without waking me is a total mystery...I'm going to start calling her Houdini. So, anyway...I heard her walk into my room and, unfortunately so did Little...so now all 3 of us were awake...and far too early for my liking. Excellent. The day was off to a stellar start...but you know it's going to be a good day when the first words you hear for the day are "Mama, I pooped on my bwanket. You hafta change my sheets." Aaaaaaaaaand now we're talkin'. ::sigh::

Here's to a stellar day all around. Grr.

Sprucing up around here...

Well, I decided that I needed to do a little sprucing up here...new background, new header...you know...and, umm...stuff.

BIG thanks to Tiffany at http://www.miragreetings.com/ for the header...she has mucho talent!! You MUST check out her invitations and announcements if you're in the market!!

Anyway...its still Father's Day, so I need to get my butt off the computer and go do the dishes (cuz Hubby's doing them instead and that just ain't right).

Hope everyone had a great weekend and wonderful Father's Day...or Fadder's Day, as it's called in our home. heh. Hasta le...something!

Mommy's Evil Plan

I feel like we've been doing this forever, this potty training thing. Really, I have no right to complain. I'm not doing it full time, I'm taking the more laid back approach. I ask, offer and bribe...but I don't force and I don't punish. See, if you know Big, then you know that if I tried to force her to use the potty, she'd finally agree to be potty trained sometime around age 25, when she discovered that there was some obvious benefit to her to stop wearing diapers...she's about as stubborn as they come (I have no idea where she gets that from *ahem*). Anyway, we have a sticker chart, we have three different kinds of potty reward candy...and yet, each time I ask her if she'd like to use the potty, she tells me "no". We've been at a standstill for quite some time now...until this morning.

This morning, as usual, after she got out of her bed, I asked Big if she'd like to sit on her potty and try going pee pee like a big girl, to which she auto-responded "no". Fine, whatever...we moved on with our morning...la dee dah...nothing unusual. A few minutes later, however, she came up to me with a distraught look on her face, and announced that she'd gone poo poo (it was really pee pee...we have yet to master the distinction, btw)...and then she told me "You hafta change my diapew Mama." Hmm...OK. I consider myself a fairly attentive mother, so off we went to her bedroom to change her diaper...Big walking like a cowboy who had just come home from a loooong trip on her trusty steed, and me right behind her...and that's when it hit me. She's been asking me to change her diaper a lot lately...actually coming up to me and asking...and, so I've been changing her, she's my child that's what I do...but maybe, just maybe I've been a little too quick to get those uncomfy diapers off of her. The ideas are flying...an evil plan brewing in my head...I've got it! mwahahahahahahaha!

I believe we may be having a potty training breakthrough. Clearly Big doesn't like the way the wet diapers feel...either that or she's been moonlighting with the local rodeo while Hubby and I sleep at night. And while anything truly is possible when it comes to Big, I'm gonna go with the diaper theory for the sake of this post. So, my thinking is...what if I don't change her diapers immediately anymore to give her time to think about how much she doesn't like them?? I'm not talking an hour here, people, but maybe 2 minutes? Five minutes? Just long enough to maybe give her incentive to go on the potty more often. That's not too evil, is it? Is it? Well, I hope not, because starting tomorrow, I'm going to try it...cross your fingers that this doesn't blow up in my face...umm, please?

Look out Vera Wang!

This morning started like every other morning in our house. Hubby was running out the door to work, Little was soundly sleeping in her bassinet next to our bed, I was face down in my pillow, grasping for every last breath of sleep I could get, and Big was waking in her toddler bed in her room next door. I could hear her making little wake-up noises in the monitor, but was hopeful that she would bless me by contently playing in her bed for a bit so that I could relish just one more minute of my semi-conscious state. It was not to be. My hopes were quickly dashed when she began yelling "Maaaaaaaaama! I cawwin' youuuuuuuuu! You hewe me?!?! Mama! I cawwin you wiff my mouff!! You hewe me Mama?! Maaaaaaaaaaama!! I neeeeeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuuuuu," and so my morning began.

As usual I dragged myself into her room and was met with an expression of complete joy and enthusiasm from my Big girl, she was ready to get up and go. So, bunny and blankie in hand, we headed into the living room, when it suddenly dawned on her that she needed to get dressed. Right that very minute. (And this child does not accept just any outfit...she is fancy. Dresses are her everyday uniform. Tights and headbands are her favorite accessories. And anything other than glittery dress shoes is a travesty.) So, we made a u-turn out of the living room and headed back into her bedroom to get her dressed. Not up for a fight over which dress would be weather appropriate for the day, I opened her closet door and stepped back, giving her complete freedom of choice. She stepped toward the closet, nothing less than ecstatic (she has 15 dresses in there people...there was a big decision to be made here!!). She looked over each one thoughtfully...touching each one...moving onto the next one, pausing for a second a few times, as if to contemplate that dress's worthiness of her...and then, after a few minutes, she chose one. She turned to me and said, "Hewe Mama, I weaw dis one today, because dis one matches my shoes and my puwse." I kid you not. And it did. The pink patterned dress she chose matched the pink glitter flats and pink satin purse that she was already sportin' for the day perfectly (keep in mind that she had been out of bed for exactly 3 minutes at this point). I was in awe. My 2 year-old is already fashion and accessory conscious, and damn good at it too. Can you imagine what 13 will bring us?!? I'm scared. Somebody hold me.

The cost of a nursing strike...

4 Born Free bottles............................................................$40
(because our other ones had BPA-grrr)

4 Avent stage 2 nipples......................................................$10
(because soooo many people have gone
out to buy new BPA-free bottles that our
Babies R' Us was out of stage 2 Born Free
ones...but the Avent ones fit and are cheaper,
so who cares.)

1 bottle of lactose free Similac.........................................$15

1 small can of Enfamil Soy formula................................$15
(because the Similac gave her eczema)

6 Sassy MAM Ultivent bottles.........................................$24
(because 4 bottles just simply isn't enough
when your baby eats 8 times per day)

1 large can of Enfamil Soy formula.................................$25
(because the small can was gone and we
thought maybe she would like it eventually
if we just continued forcing it on her trying it)

1 small can of Similac Alimentum formula.................FREE
(TGFS! that's "Thank God For Samples")
(because she simply started refusing the soy...
heck, who am I kidding? Little would have picked
the bottle up and thrown it at me if she had the
dexterity and coordination. She hated the stuff.)

6 more Born Free bottles................................................$60
(because giving her 2 different kinds of bottles
may have been confusing to her, according to our
local lactation guru, so we had to limit ourselves
to one kind of bottle and nipple.
"Nipple confusion"...what an odd term)

2 Born Free variable flow nipples.................................$7.50
(because I'm an idiot and I grabbed the
wrong kind at the store...they look so much alike!!
I then boiled them and tried them once...so as to
make them unreturnable. I told you I'm and idiot.)

6 Avent stage 3 nipples.....................................................$15
(because I thought we'd try a faster nipple -
maybe that would help?)

1 small can of Nestle Good Start formula......................$15
(because the Alimentum made her gag and our
Pediatrician was out of ideas, so he told us to
suck it up with the eczema and try another milk
based formula)

1 bottle of Fenugreek pills................................................$15
(AKA: the pancake medicine...because if she
wouldn't take the Good Start, we were completely
out of formula options...and I would need to boost
my milk supply)

6 more Avent stage 2 nipples..........................................$15
(because the stage 3's leave half the milk in
her tummy, and half on her bib)

1 large can of Nestle Good Start formula......................$27
(because the small can is gone and she actually
seems to like this one? ::knocking on wood::
And pssssst...no eczema!!!)

1 new bottle brush.............................................................$4
(because the other one was just getting icky
from being used 1,000,000,000 times per day)
_________________________________________________
Finally finding the right combination of
bottles, nipples, formula, and breast milk
so that Little will eat again..................................PRICELESS

My Life in Pictures

My heart would not beat without them...they are my life. This is my family...

The things kids say...

Big was bored this morning while I was pumping. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, just wasn't holding her attention (yes, I'm that kind of mom, when I have to be) so she decided to rifle through a Target bag that was lying on the floor nearby. She was mildly interested in the Father's Day card that I picked up for Hubby yesterday (it had a jewel on it, so it was fancy)...but what really got her attention was the two packs of new underwear that I had picked up for myself. Before I knew it, she had them unwrapped and was taking them out of the packaging. I didn't figure they could be used as any sort of weapon (maybe a slingshot?), so I let her go ahead and entertain herself with them, as I walked out of the room and into the kitchen to make bottles. Just to make sure that I hadn't made the wrong decision, I peeked my head out of the kitchen and spied on her for a moment...at which point she caught my eye. She was holding up two pair of the underwear (now completely out of the packaging) and she said to me:

"Hewe Mommy!! I got deeze out fo you. Hewe's yo new sheet (holding up one pair)...and hewe's yo bwankie (waving the other pair around in the air)."

Dear Lord, she thinks my underwear are bedsheets. So, ummm...maybe its time to get back on the weight loss bandwagon? ::slaps forehead:: Crud.

Anatomy 101 (for 2 year-olds)

Setting scene: Big walks into the living room carrying her beloved pink bunny in her arms. He is wrapped up in her blankie (like a baby) and she is carrying a dolly baby bottle in the other hand. I am sitting on the couch pumping (imagine that....its my #1 pass time these days). She walks over to me, observes what I'm doing (nothing she hasn't seen 80,000,000 times before) and speaks...

Big: Hi Mommy

Me: Hi Big! Whatcha got there?

Big: Its bunny. He hungwy. I gonna feed him.

Me: Ohhhh, OK...sounds good. You're such a good Mommy Big!

Big: Yeah. (she says, showing obvious pride in her fabulous mothering abilities)


She then raises the bottle to bunny's mouth and pauses, looking at me very thoughtfully for a minute. I can see the wheels turning, but she doesn't give me any sign of what she's thinking...I wait for her to speak.


Big: (puts bottle down) Mama, bunny wike my miwk...he wanna dwink my miwk, wike (Little).


"Oh!" I say, a little taken aback by the fact that she's going to attempt to breastfeed her bunny, but its not like she hasn't seen me nursing her sister and pumping for the last 4-1/2 months, so I decide that this is a good thing. I decide that I'm proud of her for being so observant and open minded, in fact, I think its great that she finds nursing nurturing, and thinks of it as the way that mommies feed their babies. "She really gets it." I think, admiring how smart my little girl is, and also proud of myself for teaching her that there is nothing offensive or awkward about breastfeeding your baby. It was a win-win moment for me.

So I watch her, as she puts the dolly bottle down on the table and raises her dress up over her head to get in prime nursing position. I'm glowing with pride as she takes bunny out of his blankie, thinking about how I can share this great moment with my daughter, and tell Grandma about it later when we see her. "She'll be so impressed," I think, as I watch her raise her bunny up and start to nurse him...from her belly button. I swear, I nearly died stifling my laughter. Suffocation was a mere 3 seconds away...I needed a paper bag...or something to shield my face while I laughed hysterically...anything...STAT! I thought I would burst.

Sooooooo, it looks like we may actually have a few more anatomy lessons ahead of us, which is probably a good thing since she's only two. Either way, my Big girl is a very good mommy to her bunny, and it turns out that bunny didn't mind her nursing method at all...he even let out a nice resounding burp when he was finished. She was very proud. So was her mommy.

I like pancakes and all...

but I have no desire to be Mrs. Butterworth. Seriously.

Little's feeding issue has resurfaced. ::sighhhhhh:: Actually, it only resolved itself for one day...then it started up again, first with her not finishing her bottles, and now we're back to struggling to get her to eat more than 2 ounces at a feeding. She's almost 5 months old, two ounces just isn't enough. I'm at the end of my rope. (I thought that was nicer than saying that I'm about to flip my shit...but either is absolutely accurate.) I decided I needed more help.

Soooo...one more (frustrated, panicky, exasperated) phone call to the pediatrician later...I have a few new ideas. I went and bought yet, another kind of formula...that makes 4 now in case you're keeping track, cuz I know I am...to try to mix with breast milk in her bottles. And its a milk based formula...because we've tried all of the alternatives and there just aren't any more. The doctor told me that while her eczema is annoying, it isn't life threatening, so if she eats the regular stuff, we should just suck it up and deal with the eczema (more salve, sweet!). Grr. But, here's where it gets interesting...to me at least. Little's doctor suggested that the best thing for us to do is switch her back to all breast milk...which requires me to somehow increase my supply by almost 10 ounces a day. If you've ever breast fed, you know...this is not an easy feat...not something you can snap your fingers and accomplish. So, at the pediatrician's suggestion, I then made a visit to my local health food store, a place that I've never actually been to before, for Fenugreek. No, it's not a sorority, silly, its an herb that supposedly regulates blood sugar levels (mine are fine thank you), but also just happens to increase lactation in some women as a side effect. (I wonder what it does to men...huh.) Now, generally, I'm not a herby (that's like a Treky-except with herbs). I like my FDA approved medications, thank you, but right about now I'd suck on shoe laces if someone told me this feeding strike/refusal/fussiness/pain in my arse would end with Little eating again...so I bought some, and I'm trying it. Reluctantly, maybe even skeptically...I'm trying it.

Here's the deal with Fenugreek...I bought 350 mg capsules...I have to take a minimum of 7 of them per day (gulp!...literally) in order to have any chance of this working. Possible side effects, in addition to lactation apparently, include nausea and diarrhea (umm...what? Geez, Little...do I love you...) and my favorite...smelling like maple syrup. Hee! Is this not the most bizarre side effect you've ever heard of? I mean, I guess its better than smelling like raw sewage or something, but maple syrup? How random. It's a good thing we all like pancakes! Well, I guess I'm not really sure whether Little likes them yet or not. Hmm. Has anyone ever prayed that their child would like pancakes before? No? Well, let me be the first then...

So, I've popped two capsules already today, and I've been told that it will take 3-4 days for me to see a difference in supply if its going to work. I figure that the day I wake up and mistake myself for Dolly Parton when I walk by the mirror, I'll know that my endeavor has been successful. In the meantime, we wait, Hubby and Big and I, breathing deeply, practicing our zen face, playing hot potato with the screaming baby at night...its super!! Please, oh please, God...let the pancake medicine work...

Amen!!

After 6 days of not eating, 5 different kinds of bottles, 3 different kinds of formula, 3 calls in to the pediatrician's office, 1 eczema outbreak, thousands of minutes spent pumping breast milk, millions of tears shed, and countless hours of screaming...Little is happily eating her soy formula/pumped milk concoction. Thank the Lord.

I'd like my vacation to start now please?